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|Monday, July 24th, 2006|
If you ask anyone who is Criterion Games, they will probably not know at all. Although, if they are a big gamer, they will know that the company has made Black, and the Burnout Series. As you know, the burnout series, and Black is mainly based on one thing, damage. You can cause so much damage on those games, it's not even funny. You can pretty much destroy everything in your path... http://game-era.com/review/id/12
|Thursday, May 16th, 2002|
Legend of Mana
What makes a good RPG? Well, it sure as shit ain't the NPC's, and it ain't the mini games. It's the goddamned Bosses
that make or break an RPG. Why, then, would the fourth installment of one of my favorite series of all time put so damn much effort in to building up your character and tempering powerful weapons if there're no huge bosses to fight
? What's the fucking point? I'll admit, I had a great time learning all the little quirks of the game, like how to learn all
of the weapon techniques, and how to temper weapons and place lands just
right, but where's the payoff? I'll tell you where. It's in playing No Future Mode with all your gained knowledge. What's No Future Mode, then, you ask? It's the same game
only about three times more difficult. So it's pretty easy to die then, you say? No. Apparently, the programmers thought that a difficult enemy meant having to take longer to kill it rather than how dangerous it is.THE VERDICT - 6
Yeah, it's Secret of Mana's little brother, but that don't make it great.
|Friday, April 12th, 2002|
Resident Evil (for free!)
okay, so you may say that not seeing the movie in the theatre, not paying money for it, not getting it on quality film, and watching it in a room full of pre-pubescent boys playing Day Of Defeat, could quite possibly diminish the rating that I shall give this movie. I say that it doesn't because I saw it twice in a small time period of the same day and I've gotten pretty good and making it seem as if I'm somewhere else lately. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the highly paid actors being chewed on by poor actors that are probably being fed cracker jacks and thrown back into a room somewhere in outer space...and I do have to say that my favorite part is where someone is sliced, diced, and cubed just like a Mr. Popeil creation can do...but this film was flimsy. I don't believe that they really stayed true to all that Resident Evil has come to represent to teenage boys...and the storyline that they allowed to start off the story was pretty minimal when it comes to the grasp on what was seen next in each scene. they should have had more character development...I looked away for a second and all of a sudden Milla Jovovich was having acid flashbacks of somesort...maybe I missed something both times that I watched the movie. they incorporated the classic touches into the usual actuion movie/thriller though... the female ass-kicker kicks ass in every way possible, using anything from the tip of her nose to the smacking of her little heels to go home... and I don't know a male zombie in hell that wouldn't want to be caused serious trauma to the head by way of a thigh-cruncher with full privelege of seeing Milla's privates before he dies. I bet the actor purposely screwed that scene up as many times as possible.
and I didn't like the fact that all of the characters were subject to die and just pretty much died slowly throughout the entire film. why couldn't they all just die at once...hell, I'd drop the bomb on them. and that actress from girlfight...boy, does she have a big n' nasty mouth when she turns. eek! frighten me, bitch! I would have just killed her in the beginning to keep from seeing that later on. it was quite funny though, so maybe not. I think that they kept the actors on the edge of death just to make us think about something other than how much the story sucked....and when the story finally resolved and we found out what was going on it happened in about 30 seconds w/ no need to think about it. mindless...
good when the monster was mutating but horrid at some sequences. when all else fails, call the Jim Henson workshop and find yourself a fuckmuppet that can really scare the hell out of you. or get someone to be the scary bondage guy from one of the later Resident Evils....maybe that will come in another movie...but that guy scares me shitless!!!! get him in the movie as soon as possible!
mentioning sequels...it's quite obvious that that's what they're planning. many resident evils...and I shall only see them for free if I see them at all.
so, what it boils down to:
-often bad anime
-sucky characters w/ very few known actors
-zombies entertaining and I feel their pain
(I've woken up a few times with that thirst before)
-not much character development
-occasionally confusing plot (jumps around too much w/ no emphasizing or dwelling...some of my favorite things to sleep through!)
-why does everyone have to die? can't we all just get along? do you really have to shoot ugly bitch in the head? why couldn't she go up in flames like the monster...that would have been so cool!
-disappointing to a few RE junkies...though I think many enjoy it just for the mindless violence and thought of milla jovovich with her legs crushing their insides like peanut butter
I give you, resident evil, a:
butch bitch bad.
not like my opinion counts though. Current Mood: calm
|Friday, March 22nd, 2002|
I have changed my mind:
that's where I have found my soulmate. what a joke that site is...and look what happened.
thank you, hotornot.com
and I have to say that I give seventhlayer a 7 because
-(bad)-no one ever posts
-(good)-I'm listed as an interest
|Friday, January 25th, 2002|
I have to say that hotornot.com serves some purpose in finding internet friends....but not much other than that. Wow, this kinda sucks anymore. I give hotornot and its dumbass requirement to pay $6 to meet people a
and well deserved I believe. gets a 4 because I've met some people that are really quite interesting and for no other reason.
I give myself a 4 too for wasting so much time on this junk. Current Mood: amused
|Thursday, January 10th, 2002|
Corky Romano ( for fifty cents.)
Had I paid more than a dollar for my whole movie going experience to go see Corky Romano, I might
have been pissed, but, really, it wasn't all bad. I kicked and screamed and tried to get out of it, but in the end, I realized that it could not
have been any worse than the movies I'd have had to pay full price for recently. So I went. Yes, I laughed. There were
funny parts, believe it or not. I hold in my heart a fondness for Corky Romano for fifty cents now if only because Colombo's in it, and you get to hear him say " My son... He's a fruit! Come here you big faggot!" As we all know, one good belly laugh at Colombo's glass eye is worth fifty cents alone.THE VERDICT - 6
The more I think about it, a lot
of movies would rate a lot higher if it only cost fifty cents to see them.
|Monday, December 24th, 2001|
To be quite honest with you, I've seen better heist movies, and as we all know, they're all essentially the same anyway. What makes a heist movie is style
. Criminal sets target. Shady buddies tell Criminal it's impossible. Criminal convinces Shady buddies to help him. Criminal prepares. Criminal almost gets caught. Criminal and Shady buddies make away with the goods. If you're not sure what I mean by style, go out and rent Heist. Then rent Snatch. Then, if you can stomach another, go out and see Ocean's Eleven and you'll understand why...THE VERDICT - 7
The characters are good, but nowhere near as bad as they should've been. And by "bad" I mean like Michael Jackson's Bad. Merely a diversion. A way to spend two hours. Had it gone more in to depth with the peripheral characters like the driver, perhaps it would've been better, but if you're in the mood for a heist movie with a bunch of badass dudes, just rent Snatch.
|Monday, December 17th, 2001|
About one-third in to it this was shaping up to be a pretty good movie. Honestly. It certainly looked
good. Good enough for me to actually want
to see a movie starring Gay Tom Cruise. That first third I was really in to it, Gay Tom Cruise or not, but it seems that even the director couldn't figure out how to turn it in to something creative. I won't give away the ending, but let me tell you, imagine the worst way a good movie could possibly end, and you've got Vanilla Sky. Only if you've seen AI could you possibly appreciate the kind of frustration this movie brought me. A dopey idea taken to it's furthest limit.THE VERDICT - 3
The beginning carried all the weight of this one. If you want a movie that keeps you guessing through the entire
shocks you with the ending, watch Memento.
|Sunday, December 16th, 2001|
Sleeping all goddamned day long
Saturday this week was a blur. The only reason that I know it happened at all is because today is Sunday. I slept. In fact, I slept all day long. I guess I must have been catching up on all the sleep I missed this week, but to waste a whole day doing it? No. We can't have this. Just think of all the things that could have potentially happened had I not spent the day on Nick's
couch! At the very least, I could've at least woken up to acknowledge the fact that the day was occurring, then fallen back asleep.THE VERDICT - 4
This would have been entirely neutral if it weren't for all of the things that might
|Friday, December 14th, 2001|
Though my dreams vary in shittiness, none
of my dreams have ever been good. Ever since I was a child, I've had these awful dreams that wake me up and won't let me get back to sleep for hours. I haven't had one that bad in a while, but even still, I'm plagued by dreams that are either shitty or just plain stupid. Being attacked by rotting zombies and having to fend them off with a shotgun? Having my lifelong hero get bored of me and ditch me? Getting trapped in a chimney with corpses? Nope. None for me, thanks.THE VERDICT - 1-4 ( depending on shittiness)
If I could not dream at all, I would.
|Friday, November 30th, 2001|
Settle down! I'm not talkin' 'bout the band! I'm talking about the hip new disease that's taking America by storm! Send anthrax as a gift, or just keep it for yourself! Everyone could use a little anthrax!
No, for serious, as far as life threatening diseases go, anthrax is pretty weak. The black festering boils are pretty cool, but come on... anthrax is a bacteria! You can cure it with any number of antibiotics! If anthrax were a virus and it were all air communicable, then you'd be talkin'. I'm sick of hearing about one old dead lady who might have somehow contracted anthrax while she was sneakin' around, looking through other people's mail in a town miles from where she lives. Would anyone have cared if she died because she was old? I don't think so. Come on America! We need a real disease! One that wipes out entire trailerparks in a day and spreads through cable television and can only be cured with the blood of virgins! Enough of this pussy anthrax shit!THE VERDICT - 4
A sub-par disease. Too hard to get and too easy to cure. There'll be none of that in my
eternal afterlife! ... But those black boils are
|Thursday, November 29th, 2001|
Yeah, sure there's that getting presents thing, but I've had about enough of this whole holiday. It used to carry it's load when all I had to do was ask for something, then a few weeks later it'd appear beneath a magical tree. But now that I'm not seven years old, christmas is sucking pretty hard. There's having to fight through hordes of evil mole people to even leave the house, and christmas music and all the goddamned gaudy decorations, I'm sick of the whole creeping thing ( Oh, see my normal journal
if you'd like to know how I feel about mole people</a>. What are we supposed to be celebrating again? Umm... I think some old dude was killed 'cause he was some sort of leper, then he wouldn't die... or something... Anyway, the story sounded bogus to me. The son of god was miraculously born on this day, so everyone should cut down a tree and leave it in their living room so that a big fat guy from the north pole has someplace to put your gifts when you leave some food out for him. What a stupid fucking holiday! New Years! Now there's
a holiday! No good will toward man or any of that shit, just a big-ass excuse to party! So, anyway, this christmas, I'm being mean as hell.THE VERDICT - 3
You heard it here first. There's no christmas in heaven. Jesus stopped caring about his birthday about one thousand nine hundred seventy years ago.
|Wednesday, November 28th, 2001|
attack of killer bugs
well, not killer, but definitely disgusting. so the tenants above me are really dirty and all that they eat must come back out the same hole because it always smells like vomit around their door. I wouldn't be surpised if it were a group of supermodels living there. there's really nothing I can do except watch the orange stain of my kitchen ceiling expand as the days pass and the bathroom walls leak brown goo. trust me, this isn't mildew a brewin! thankfully I'm moving out after christmas. oh, and the fruit flies!!!!! there's so many that I can't walk into my apartment and not breath in an entire swarm of them! raid's not really cutting it anymore and I think that they're getting bigger...help!I wish I could bring an apple into this house without it being attacked within the first few seconds of its existence. I should go and review a movie now...I'm sorry. prepare of a film review on the worst indie horror I can find!!! WOOOHOO!
overall rating- a 2
-I'm moving soon I don't care so much now
-in revenge I let my hamster run free in the walls at night. the brown goo worries me a little, though, better keep him away from the bathroom from now on.
-why it isn't a 3 is because of a sign on the neighbor's door that reads something about thanksgiving and underneath says "Jews For Jesus"
hmmm...if that ever made sense. I'm thanking myself everyday for not being religious, or dirty enough to crap my pants and rub myself all over the floor so that the people below can get a good whiff of what I had for breakfast Current Mood: blah
Hillbilly music thumping through the ceiling
What's my favorite thing about my days off? Well, I'll tell ya, It's not being able to relax all day, and it's not sleeping in. It's listening to the hillbilly buttrock that wafts through the floor of the apartment above me! There's nothing quite like starting your day with Ted Nuget songs that sound like they're being played very
loudly from inside a barrel. But if I had to choose one thing that I love the most about it, it'd be that all of the songs are so distorted that you can only barely tell how bad they really are. Sometimes it sounds a little like some bad house, but then a wailing guitar solo starts that, with the floor being in the way, could also be a dying cat. At that point, I'm thinking Mike Oldfield? But then begins the empowered vocals of what could only be the Red Rocker, Ted Nuget, and I want to die.THE VERDICT - 2
So hillbillies, I know that neither of you have got jobs and you honestly don't have anything better to do than to sit around and listen to the same four buttrock Cds all day, but could you at least turn it down? One thing's for sure, I'm not
putting up with this in my apartment in heaven.
A note from me:
Thank the heavens! I thought I'd be doing this alone forever!
Sometimes, I just don't know about my friends...
Nick, he's one of the most intelligent guys I've ever met...but tonight, he made me question all that I thought I knew about him. Here goes it.
Sundedaisy: I'm so going to uninstall AIM!
Ninmenjuushin: Hahah, too bad Dee you are the unlucky one with it!
Ninmenjuushin: That was a great sentence.
Sundedaisy: It actually sucked, a lot
Ninmenjuushin: Take out the comma and it'd be even better.
Sundedaisy: I read it several times, in disbelief
...but wait, there's more!!!
Sundedaisy: Livejournal is being a slut!
Ninmenjuushin: It's being a rat whore.
Ninmenjuushin: Tell it to put down the hypos and roll out the newspaper so you can have a turn!
Ninmenjuushin: That's worth quoting.
Right. That was
worth quoting!!! Nick, love you kiddo, but tonight:THE VERDICT:3
...clean up! Current Mood: cold
Your World Right Now
The world right now can be summarized by this dick: ( ))====D
America is obviously in a state of MASS
and utter confusion. I'm not talking about peoples' unrelinquished anger at people they didn't even know they hated until the media started telling us to hate them (well yeah I am), but I'm also talking about the spontaneous patriotism of everyone. It's utterly pathetic. Before this, patriotism was limited to flags on Harley Davidson shirts and the backs of trucks. Now every 3 out of 4 cars has a flag on it. Why could this be? Well, it's mainly because our best friend the t.v. is telling us that everyone else is buying one, and that the first thing we need to do is be like everyone else! But now that everyone's Uncle Sam's best friend now that he's become a hipster, whats everyone to do? Oh yeah, flaunt your ignorant beliefs! I'm sick of seeing God Bless signs personally. We wouldn't be in this mess if God would have intervened, and for that he would have had to exist first. I don't care what people think about this, but if he ever existed, we killed him the moment we started killing people in His name, which you may or may not have heard, but is banned by one of the Commandments sent down to Moses while on Mt. Sinai. I mean, what kind of god would allow such rampant bloodshed, even in his name (that's right, even Muslims believe in God).
Oh yeah, and for those of you who believe in evil and sin, you have another thing coming, because evil is in the eye of the beholder. Every action has a justification from the one carrying out the action. Everyone is their own saint, so evil and good can not exist, and since all actions can be interpreted as selfish anyway, true altruism cannot exist either.
"If God is all-powerful, then the devil must be nothing more than a darkness in the mind of God, but if the devil is something real and separate, then perfection is impossible, and there can be no God...except for the aspirations of fallen angels."THE VERDICT - 1
Yes, I'd rather watch Coyote Ugly rather than have to hear some stupid bitch on Oprah bellyache about how she is afraid to send her kids to school and has to shop online because she's too afraid to leave the house, since obviously stealing airplanes is easy enough to get a whole ARMY of them just to crash them into her, her grocery store, her kids' daycare, and their school.
|Tuesday, November 27th, 2001|
Silent Hill 2
A very slick game. That's all there is to it. Solid survival-horror action, creepy puzzles, and lots of walkin' around. But treating this game as though it were another half-assed resident evil knock off would be unwise, and you'd be overlooking this games greatest appeal. It's scary. No, it's not scary. It's scary as hell.
When I first began playing, I got really into it and screwed with it for several hours, not having ever picked it up before, and it made me physically sick. I felt ill for the rest of the night. It's not just the unmercifully claustrophobic view that you're constantly wrestling with, the mounds of gore that you must hack through, nor is it just the disorientingly jerky camera. It's this game's whole premise that makes it so damn evil. Solid plot, great lighting effects, devious enemies, if you've got a strong stomach, you can't lose.THE VERDICT - 7
A nice addition to heaven's collection.
|Monday, November 26th, 2001|
Grand Theft Auto 3
What a fantastic game! It's been a very, very long time since I've played anything quite as much fun as this! It's actually pretty hard to think of anything that you're not
able to do in GTA 3. You walk outside, jack the nearest car, drive downtown, explode your car while driving over pedestrians, then fend off the police with an uzi, or take a taxi the hell out of there. It's all left to your imagination and your will to do it! The city's got anything you could possibly want. The whole place actually feels alive, from cars idling down the alleyways to casual muggings. Minigames abound, a soundtrack that makes me laugh, hard
, superb graphics, there's not too much to complain about, but since I have to, here're my only gripes:Gripe A:
What happened to the plane!? ::sigh:: I'll only be able to dream of the havoc I could have caused with it...Gripe B:
Where'd that cool hate meter go from GTA 2? I miss the idea of being on my own, playing each gang against each other...Gripe C:
What of being able to attach bombs and guns to your car? True, you can still buy bombs, but they don't really provide any amusement since the only person you can harm with them is yourself.
Other than those? An awesome game. One of the greatest I've ever played.THE VERDICT - 9
Fit for a god.
|Friday, November 23rd, 2001|
What do you get when you add one part Brad Pitt being severely beaten to five parts Robert Redford in a bad spy movie? ...Umm... well... you get something that might have been good had they shown more of Brad Pitt being beaten up. Don't get me wrong, I love Brad Pitt. In fact, he's probably my favorite actor. So imagine my surprise when he stars in what proved to be a bland wanna-be spy movie with less gadgets than half of an episode of McGuyver. The plot, you ask? The plot takes place through phones and a multitude of flashbacks. Gripping. I will admit, however, that some of the hi jinx that wacky CIA gets up to are
pretty funny, but worth the rest of the movie? I say no. Brad Pitt as the Boyscout, I am truly sorry.THE VERDICT - 5
Spy Game damned to eternal suffering due to mediocrity.