Lady Orange (remedy701) wrote in seventhlayer,
Lady Orange
remedy701
seventhlayer

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Resident Evil (for free!)

okay, so you may say that not seeing the movie in the theatre, not paying money for it, not getting it on quality film, and watching it in a room full of pre-pubescent boys playing Day Of Defeat, could quite possibly diminish the rating that I shall give this movie. I say that it doesn't because I saw it twice in a small time period of the same day and I've gotten pretty good and making it seem as if I'm somewhere else lately. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the highly paid actors being chewed on by poor actors that are probably being fed cracker jacks and thrown back into a room somewhere in outer space...and I do have to say that my favorite part is where someone is sliced, diced, and cubed just like a Mr. Popeil creation can do...but this film was flimsy. I don't believe that they really stayed true to all that Resident Evil has come to represent to teenage boys...and the storyline that they allowed to start off the story was pretty minimal when it comes to the grasp on what was seen next in each scene. they should have had more character development...I looked away for a second and all of a sudden Milla Jovovich was having acid flashbacks of somesort...maybe I missed something both times that I watched the movie. they incorporated the classic touches into the usual actuion movie/thriller though... the female ass-kicker kicks ass in every way possible, using anything from the tip of her nose to the smacking of her little heels to go home... and I don't know a male zombie in hell that wouldn't want to be caused serious trauma to the head by way of a thigh-cruncher with full privelege of seeing Milla's privates before he dies. I bet the actor purposely screwed that scene up as many times as possible.

and I didn't like the fact that all of the characters were subject to die and just pretty much died slowly throughout the entire film. why couldn't they all just die at once...hell, I'd drop the bomb on them. and that actress from girlfight...boy, does she have a big n' nasty mouth when she turns. eek! frighten me, bitch! I would have just killed her in the beginning to keep from seeing that later on. it was quite funny though, so maybe not. I think that they kept the actors on the edge of death just to make us think about something other than how much the story sucked....and when the story finally resolved and we found out what was going on it happened in about 30 seconds w/ no need to think about it. mindless...

bad animation...
good when the monster was mutating but horrid at some sequences. when all else fails, call the Jim Henson workshop and find yourself a fuckmuppet that can really scare the hell out of you. or get someone to be the scary bondage guy from one of the later Resident Evils....maybe that will come in another movie...but that guy scares me shitless!!!! get him in the movie as soon as possible!

mentioning sequels...it's quite obvious that that's what they're planning. many resident evils...and I shall only see them for free if I see them at all.

so, what it boils down to:
-often bad anime
-sucky characters w/ very few known actors
-zombies entertaining and I feel their pain
(I've woken up a few times with that thirst before)
-not much character development
-occasionally confusing plot (jumps around too much w/ no emphasizing or dwelling...some of my favorite things to sleep through!)
-why does everyone have to die? can't we all just get along? do you really have to shoot ugly bitch in the head? why couldn't she go up in flames like the monster...that would have been so cool!
-disappointing to a few RE junkies...though I think many enjoy it just for the mindless violence and thought of milla jovovich with her legs crushing their insides like peanut butter
-etc. etc.

I give you, resident evil, a:
-----------6---------------
violence good.
butch bitch bad.

not like my opinion counts though.
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