Ever wondered what heaven and hell are furnished with? Is it possible to watch a movie during your break from being prodded in the anus by satan's searing member, or to waste your eternal afterlife playing video games?
It sure is!
But surely god wouldn't allow a showing of Ernest Goes To Jail in heaven... or would he? It seems that god's got his hands too full with all the sinners to even bother watching Corky Romano. That's why this, The Seventh Layer was created, to do god's work for him... mostly in the form of making fun of bad movies.
It's just what the internet needed, another site for aspiring and practicing critics to lay their divine judgment upon all things even slightly product or media related!
Review anything! Music, movies, books, games, television, presidents in office, pets! Any damn thing you like!
Here's how the rating system works, from one to nine, and beginning at 5:
A rating of one to five plus earns the item in question a toasty seat in hell, while a rating of six to nine saves it.
Here's an explanation of the ratings:
9 = AN AMISH QUILT ( Not quite perfect, but you'd have to be a bastard to point out the faults)
8 = OUTSTANDING
7 = GOOD
6 = ABOVE AVERAGE
5 = AVERAGE ( When considered as a whole, is neither good nor bad in any way, only gloriously, disappointingly average. Leaves you feeling nothing at all.)
5+ = EXCEEDINGLY AVERAGE ( Constantly gives you the feeling that you've seen it all before. Rehashed, unremarkable and mundane beyond words. *Please note that the plus neither raises nor lowers an items rating. It only serves as a marker for others to stay far, far away.*)
4 = BELOW AVERAGE
3 = BAD
2 = FOUL
1 = COYOTE UGLY ( In order for something to receive a one here in the Seventh Layer, the item in question must either be, or be equivalently as bad as Coyote Ugly, arguably the worst movie of all time.)
We strive to provide accurate and sensible reviews of stuffs. As humorous as it would be to give Corky Romano a one, I seriously doubt that it could possibly deserve it. Please use discretion when doling out ones and nines.
Thank you, and enjoy the divine power you've been given!